OPINION

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By Cameron Ruh

I have always been interested in the psychology of birth order—whether or not our position in our families affects our personalities. I found that many psychologists believe certain personality traits can become more pronounced in a person due to their birth order. 

An article by Scientific American evaluated the theories of 19th and early 20th-century psychologist Alfred Adler. Adler, one of the first to develop birth order theories, hypothesized that position in the family determines certain personality traits. 

In an article about birth order psychology, Parents.com lists traits typically shown by firstborns, middle children, and youngest children. To test these claims, I decided to compare them to the traits of my own family. 

The oldest child is born with all of their parents’ attention on them. And because they are their parents’ first child, they will “naturally be raised with a mixture of instinct and trial-and-error.” Often growing up with parents who are overly-attentive, “by-the-book” caregivers, it is common for the oldest child to be a perfectionist and strive to please their parents. Diligent and ambitious, firstborns are often hard workers. When they become older siblings, they become natural leaders and adult-like from a young age. Adjectives frequently used to describe firstborns include reliable, stubborn, cautious, structured, and controlling. 

My oldest brother, Dalton Ruh (‘16), is the epitome of the oldest child. He is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met, yet also one of the most hard-working. 

As explained by my mother, JoAnn Adrales Ruh, “part of the burden that Dalton had to bear was growing up with an anxious parent.” I wouldn’t say that this has caused Dalton to become a perfectionist, but he is certainly determined about the things he cares about most. Growing up as an avid soccer player, Dalton’s dedication to his favorite sport was always obvious. Every day, for hours on end, I would hear him kicking the soccer ball against our garage door, physically and mentally preparing for his next game or practice. While the incessant noise often irritated me as a child, I look back now and admire the way that he constantly pushed himself to get better at the activity he loved most. A recent graduate of UVA, he continues to impress us with his ambition as he dedicates himself to his passion for economics. 

The middle child is frequently identified with an alternate set of personality traits. One of the most common qualities of the middle child is that they are a people pleaser, likely “due to the lack of attention they get in comparison to their older sibling and younger sibling.” They become talented compromisers and are easily able to adapt to change. They also tend to be independent individuals; they are less tethered to their families than their siblings and have strong bonds with their friends. The middle sibling is often described as a peacemaker, friendly, and somewhat rebellious. 

I find that my brother Ethan Ruh (‘18), who is the middle child of our family, fits these traits almost perfectly. Ever since he was a baby, Ethan has always been easygoing and friendly. 

I wouldn’t describe Ethan as rebellious, but he definitely has the least traditional mindset of my family. He has always been independent and never hesitant to explore nature. I particularly admire Ethan’s curiosity and his ability to not worry about the opinions of others. My mother explains that when Ethan was a child, “he would be playing with friends, and if they started doing something he didn’t want to do, he would keep doing what he wanted instead of going along with the group.”

Even though middle siblings often receive less attention than their older and younger siblings, Ethan says, “I don’t think I ever felt like I didn’t receive enough attention, but Dalton would always overpower the sibling dynamic and use Cameron to abuse me.”

I do not confirm or deny these claims, but I do sometimes perceive Ethan as the glue of our family. During tense or stressful times, Ethan is always able to put people at ease through his constant friendliness and calm nature. Now a sophomore at William and Mary, Ethan aspires to go into teaching math. I think that his ability to connect with people will make him an amazing teacher to lucky students one day.

By the time the youngest child comes around, the anxiety of new parenthood has usually subsided, and parents take on a more relaxed stance as caregivers. The youngest child is often fun-loving, uncomplicated, and charming. However, lastborns are sometimes more self-centered and attention-seeking, often trying to entertain others. The youngest child will also sometimes struggle with the feeling that their accomplishments are not important compared to those of their older siblings. Generally, the youngest sibling is creative and good at solving problems. 

I, as the baby of the family, believe that my personality largely fits the characteristics of the youngest child. I have not commonly felt that my accomplishments were being unfairly compared to those of my brothers. Instead, I often chose to participate in activities completely different than what they did. My mother describes me as a child: “You loved to entertain us. The final born is the youngest and least capable of the family, so they get attention by making everyone laugh.”

Growing up, and still to this day, I was always able to learn from the mistakes and successes of my older brothers. I think this has made me more confident in the decisions I make. When they graduated from Collegiate and moved to college, it was sometimes difficult adjusting to being the only sibling left in the house. However, I continued to have role models that I could always look up to.