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By Caroline Benjamin 

When you think about Cotillion, what comes to mind? Is it switching places in line with your friends to be paired up with your crush? Maybe you remember the feeling of your dance partner’s sweaty hands through your white gloves, or the humiliation you felt when you saw your parents watching from the balcony? For most kids at Collegiate, Cotillion encapsulates Middle School awkwardness, accompanied by a side of Gelati Celesti. 

The practice of Cotillion now is very different from its original version. Cotillion’s roots are in France and date back to the late 18th century. It was originally a court dance: four couples would gather, stand in a square set, and create a series of geometric figures with their movement. During the 19th century, the dancing patterns became more varied, and other elements—like giving presents—were added into the practice of Cotillion. So how did this transform into the embarrassing Middle School tradition we know today? 

Cotillion was performed by the affluent who dominated the most coveted social groups. The wealthy valued etiquette, and their children were expected to act politely at events such as galas, balls, and dinners. Therefore, Cotillion morphed into a series of classes to teach children how to handle themselves in formal social settings. School-aged kids learn to give a firm handshake, appropriate table manners, and well-known dances like the foxtrot.

The Tuckahoe Women’s Club. Photo courtesy of Tuckahoe Women’s Club via facebook.

At Richmond’s most well-known formal cotillion—Town & Country Cotillion—the focus is on dancing and socializing. Town & Country Cotillion has been around for over 60 years, and they have their classes down to a science. Events take place at The Tuckahoe Woman’s Club, where students from surrounding schools gather once a month on Friday nights. There are your typical dances, such as the semi-formal “Swing into Fall,” as well as spirited theme nights like the “Halloween Howl.” 

Four different dress codes are in play, and for the average Middle School girl, picking out your Cotillion outfit was half the fun. Girls flaunt holiday dresses and white gloves for the holiday-themed “Holly Ball,” boots and cowgirl hats for the “Boot Scootin’ Boogie,” and short dresses and skirts for semi-formal and casual dances. 

Most Collegiate students enroll in Town & Country Cotillion for 6th Grade, and some will continue the program into 7th Grade as well. I participated in Cotillion for one year, in 2019. Due to the pandemic, I did not have the opportunity to participate in Cotillion in 7th Grade. However, many students—especially the boys—are not too enthused about another year of dance lessons and do not re-enroll anyway. 

For my parents, Richmond’s Cotillion culture was quite different than what they had grown up with. While they were definitely not the parents who cried happy tears while watching their children learn to dance, my mom attended a few of the lessons to take pictures of my friends and I, and she helped me plan an extravagant pasta dinner in our dining room for my very first Cotillion. It was imperative for me that we host our guests in the most formal room in our house, as the kitchen would simply not do for this occasion. 

I distinctly remember the thrill of picking out a Lilly Pulitzer dress that looked like it came straight out of my grandmother’s closet for my first Cotillion in 6th Grade: “May I Have this Dance?” My younger brother Michael (‘30), now in 7th Grade, has recently experienced Cotillion, and he was much less excited about the required wardrobe. Every Thursday, when our mom would ask him to make sure his khaki pants and blue blazer were clean, he would throw the same old fit: “Ughhhh, it’s so uncomfortable, do I really have to wear that again?” 

In addition to the outfit, Michael and most of his friends protested against Cotillion itself. What I remember as a fun night out on the town with my friends is apparently considered torture for the average 7th Grade boy, and they don’t even have to wear the gloves! 

A very important aspect of Collegiate culture surrounding Cotillion—for all kids—is your Cotillion carpool. Parents and kids plan their carpools weeks ahead of the first dance lesson. When I did Cotillion, my carpool group consisted of seven other classmates from the class of 2026: Clare Aman, Janey Ferry, Ashley Grace Johnstone, Oli Handley, Allis Derian, Campbell Bain, and Leah Thomas. Each of our parents would take turns dropping our group off at the dance and then driving us to whatever “after-party” was going on later. 

The after-party at the Country Club of Virginia was the talk of the 6th Grade. On the drive over, we listened to “Roxanne” by Arizona Zervas—trending on TikTok at the time—getting hyped up by the lyrics: “All she wanna’ do is party all night.” For us, partying meant awkwardly standing around a DJ stand, and ten o’clock was considered a late night. However, I remember being under the neon strobe lights and thinking “Wow, I’ve really made it.”

The hype surrounding the so-called after-parties is something that has not wavered over the five years in between my brother’s and my Cotillion debuts. Michael also stated that they were “the only fun part about Cotillion.” 

I may never really understand why learning the “Thriller” dance was imperative to my development into a young adult, but I am glad to have experienced the fun and humiliation of Cotillion. I still get embarrassed imagining my mom laughing at my horrible dance skills from the balcony of The Tuckahoe Woman’s Club, and I am eternally grateful that high school dances don’t require parent observers, or white gloves.